i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
