I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
