Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
