ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
