I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
