he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
