There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize