K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
