Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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