It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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