just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
