it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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