fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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