Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Small penises have feelings too.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
