nut hugger
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
