Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I faked an abortion last night.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
