I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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