She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
