i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
