Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
