hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
