I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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