yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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