We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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