Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
