I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
