he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
