He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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