I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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