does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
