Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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