There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
