Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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