my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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