Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
