wakey wakey hands off snakey
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
