I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
