I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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