I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was confusing and full of hummus
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
