Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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