Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
