You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
