I'm laying in your front yard are you home
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
