R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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