Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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