did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
