At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
