his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
