So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
