I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize