i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
