I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He felt like a one man threesome
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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