Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
