I faked an abortion last night.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
