why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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