mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I want to have your abortion
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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