i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
