so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
