I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
