I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
