i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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