me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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