I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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