I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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