I can't watch pbs sober anymore
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
