I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
