Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
