dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize