Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
