Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
