wat bout pragnant strippers??
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
