Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
