Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
