Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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