Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
and she was petting her beer can
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
