He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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