so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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