I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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