Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
