Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
