just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
