I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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