I'm sorry my penis didn't work
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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