The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize