I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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