I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
