i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize