He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
