Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
