If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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