i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
