First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
