You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
