Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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