apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
