i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
