he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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