It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
