thus making me awesome and them whores
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
