Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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