Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
